When should
children attend wakes and funerals?
The following scenario has happened to you. You attended a funeral or a wake and were surprised to see children below a certain age there, or perhaps surprised to see children there at all. You wondered what those parents must have been thinking to bring their children with them to this type of gathering. It made you stop and think about whether children should attend wakes and funerals. Unless the children were unruly, you probably quickly forgot about them and re-focused your attention the matter at hand, grieving with the family for the loss of a loved one.
What if the children's attendance is now up to you for another wake and funeral and you are faced with making the difficult decision of whether the childen should attend with you?
This is a difficult decision because there are many factors including the age level and the relative maturity the child displays (especially in public or stressful situations) as well as the relationship of the child to the deceased person. The final (and probably most important) consideration is how well the parents are able to control their child's behavior. This is a matter of respect for the other attendees as well as for the family of the deceased. There is no absolutely no excuse for allowing a child to run amok during a solemn gathering such as a wake or funeral If a parent can't prevent a child from wreaking havoc in the local department store, that is all the evidence one needs to conclude that the parents will not be able to keep that child calm and quiet during funeral services.
This brings to mind the pilot episode of Desperate Housewives in which harried mother Lynette could not control her three rambunctious sons at the
collation following the funeral of her friend and neighbor, Mary Alice. Dressed in their best clothes and displaying their worst behavior all at the same time, Lynette's made a huge splash (literally) as they jumped into
backyard pool. With a yard full of shocked mourners, Lynette begged and pleaded with the children to come out of the water. They refused. Finally, she had no choice but to jump in (wearing her funeral dress of course) after them and literally drag them out of the pool
kicking and screaming.
While that was a bit extreme and exaggerated for comic effect, there were some serious points behind that scene. It would not hurt to let it run through your mind before deciding if it will be appropriate to have your own child attend a funeral or wake.
