Sympathy is defined as a feeling or expression of compassion for the suffering of another person.  There are many means at our disposal, some traditional and some modern, that we can use to express sympathy in the days and weeks after someone we know loses a loved one.

 

The first thing that probably came to mind when you came to this site was sending flowers.  Indeed, flowers are still the most popular option.  In our culture, flowers are universally associated with feeling better in a variety of circumstances. Their bright colors and pleasant scents have a positive effect on us even at subconscious levels.  Live plants and floral wreaths are possible variations.

 

A sympathy card, particularly one with a personalized note, may be kept forever.  A message sharing a treasured memory of the deceased if you knew him or her or a note expressing your fondness for the card's recipient in addition to your feelings about the loss are thoughtful touches.

 

Performing chores for the bereaved person such as cooking, shopping, and childcare are ways for you to show your extended commitment freeing the family member for the many tasks that must be done.  For a religious remembrance, candle lighting, Mass cards, and prayer enrollment cards are good choices.  Families may also appreciate donations to charities or scholarship funds in the name of the deceased.

 

Many other options are gaining popularity.  Sympathy gift baskets (also called condolence gift baskets) are a particularly considerate choice and have many advantages.  Some sympathy gift baskets contain flowers or a mixture of flowers with other items.  Edible gift basket choices range from fresh fruit to "comfort food" while others contain reusable gifts such as mugs, books, candles, and the baskets themselves which will be constant reminders of your expression of sympathy.

Nontraditional and grander gestures of sympathy may be appropriate depending on your budget and/or affiliation with the deceased.  Family members may choose to have a quilt or teddy bear made from the clothing of the departed loved one.  An engraved memorial plaque or a website filled with pictures and remembrances can last indefinitely.  Other ideas include releases (balloons, butterflies, or doves), statues, and dedication of a public room, wing, or building such as in a library, hospital, or university.

 

We can express our sympathy in many ways.  The important thing is to let the person suffering the loss know, through whatever means we choose, that he or she is in our thoughts and can rely on us in this time of need.

 

Author Matthew W. Grant would like to thank funeral director Trevor Slauenwhite for his contributions to this article.  ©  2006  All rights reserved. Should children attend wakes and funerals?